Are You a “Head” or a “Feeling” Person? And Why Does It Matter?

Hello Readers – I have a new article up, taking A Deeper Look at Personality Concepts, particularly the differences between “head” people and “feeling” people, and how these two distinct ways of seeing and interacting with the world can often make for strained communication.  They speak different languages.  In this article, I show how to bridge that gap, how – with a little work – we can understand and validate our loved ones in a way that makes substantive communication not just a possibility, but a certainty.

Click here to read the article.

1 comment

  1. Rick August 31, 2011 at 8:30 pm Reply

    You know, this article describes my wife and I quite well. I’m a total “head person.” She’s more of a “feeling person.” I think the instinct might be to think that the head person is superior because she doesn’t let her emotions get in the way of making a decision.

    But, while I think that IS a downside to being a feeling person, the downside to being a head person is that we often don’t recognize or understand our own feelings, and fear or depression can then misrepresent itself as anger when we deal with those we love.

    This is a really interesting article, and it got me to thinking about how my wife and I deal with a problem. When a problem presents itself, the first thing she does is freak out, imagining all the horrible things that could or will happen as a result of this issue.

    I immediately disassociate from the problem, turn into a 3rd party, neutral observer. It’s like my brain is a computer, and the operating system is the Serenity Prayer. So, my default setting is to accept the things I cannot change.

    Those immediately get thrown out, leaving me with only the things I CAN change, laid out on my mental spreadsheet. Then I start sifting through those, prioritizing based on immediate and long-term solutions, as well as on urgency of the problems.

    My wife gets there, too, but only after she has freaked out. What has worked well for us is that we both recognize this. She helps me to examine and put words to the swirling, vague vortex of my emotions, and I give her the space to freak out before trying to suggest solutions.

    On her end, I think she freaks out for a lot shorter time than she used to, because the thought is always in the back of her head that while she is freaking out, I am already thinking about solutions.

    And her natural curiosity overrides the fear and makes her ask what I think. Then the discussion begins, and between us, we can come up with a workable solution.

    For what it is worth, I am Pleasing and Superiority, and she is Comfort and Superiority.

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